White Privilege? Please!?!?!?!

I would like to talk to you all about the "white privilege" thing. I am a white women, and I have not seen the benefits of being white in my life as a white person. I have two personal stories to further drive this point home.

As a child, I was raised with my two brothers and my mother. My mother worked three jobs, just to try and stay a float. The optimal word here is "try". We lived in a house, and when left alone a lot. My mother could not afford to pay for babysitters. She was just struggling to keep us alive and feed. The latter not really be achieved at all times. We had food stamps but after the first week the food was almost gone. I know what hunger is, I also knew that school was amazing because I was guaranteed food for the days I was there. I hated summers, No adults around and no food either. I wore dirty clothes filled with holes. Why because my brothers would were in elementary school, didn't understand the concept of washing clothes. Right now you are probably asking where in the hell was my mother, did you forget my mother's three jobs. There was hardly a time I can remember her actually having time off, or not being completely exhausted. As a couple years past, I noticed that things began disappearing from our house. We still had little food, and I noticed being ostracized from the white, black and all races because of my dirty smelly appearance. I literally had NO friends. Where was the white privilege to save me for this??? I mean as a white person shouldn't the state and government stepped in and given my mother all the help she needed to insure her and her white children a better life. I mean we are white right? Do I resent everyone who had it better than me at the time, no I don't. Did I feel entitled, no i didn't. I was saved from further poverty by my father getting custody of me. My brothers were not as lucky though. They being my dads stepchildren, were not able to go with me. He tried to get my brothers too, but my mother did not want to lose her boys too. I remember as my dad came to get me, my mom was packing the house because she had lost the battle. My mother and brothers had lost the roof over their heads, because three jobs was not enough. I was angry with my mother for a awhile as I got older. I was unable to process the fact that she left my brothers and I walk around looking like homelss children. I was angry that I was the dirty smelly kid that even the parents of the kids who would play with me, would not even let me in the homes. Then eventually restricting their children from being around me. That is a feeling the stays with you. I am just stating the white people get the shit end of the stick too. Not just from the government, but by other white people too.

As I continued growing up with my father, I had an amazing life. I had all of my needs met. I was never hungry. I always had clean clothes, I was bathe and I never had to worry if we were going to lose our home. I went on vacations, had great holidays and celebrations with a crap ton of gifts. I realized that life did not have to be the way it was when I lived with my mother. My dad worked for an airline and my step mother was a kindergarten teacher. Where we millionaires, no. The only point I am making is that my father learned a trade in the Navy for free, no college or tech school involved, that allowed him to make a great living for his family. MY step mother did go to college, and over the course of several years continued her education to be a well payed teacher. There are ways to learn a trade and make money without having to pay for college. Yes, my dad spent a few years in the military, but that was a small price to pay for financial freedom, don't you think so?

Which leads me to my second story on my experiences of having "white privilege". I became pregnant with my son at the age of 20. So, I pushed aside my attending college to be an veterinarian. I was not sure how I was going to go to school and raise a child. I do not believe in abortion, and my father told me at 16 if I ever got pregnant, he would know who his grandchild was. He was convinced i was having sex, even though I didn't even lose my v-card until I was 18. All because I had bought some thongs, so my panty lines would show.lol That also put adoption out as well. Honestly, I could have put him up for adoption if I have wanted to, my father would be mad and disappointed, but he would have came around eventually. I honestly wanted my child. Having my son was an amazing experience that I would never have given up. He has made me a better person, and I love that turd to pieces. I chose to leave my sons father shortly before my son turned one. I was engaged, but I was miserable. He was a prolific cheater and an asshole. I guess once he got me pregnant, he assumed he could treat me however he wanted and I wouldn't leave. I guess I shocked the shit out of him when I packed up the car and left. lol This is when my life as a single mother began.

I moved in with my mother, who was doing much better. She had managed to get a great job finally, and both my brothers had already left to join the Army. I started out waiting table at a barbecue place. I really sucked as a server. I am not even going to lie about that. Was it because of my ADD, or the fact that I tend to ramble. I know, y'all couldn't imagine me being the type of person to ramble right lol. Then I had a friend take me to a bar, because she was convinced I needed to relax. I saw these girls walking around selling shots, and they told me how much money they made a night. I was like holy shit. I could totally do that. So I applied to be a shooter girl. All I could think about was the fact I could make a crap ton of money and my son and I cold finally afford our own place. I still remember looking at an apartment, and my son running around laughing. He was around two and this point, and he was so giddy. It was a big moment in my life. I worked my ass off as a shooter girl, and was given the opportunity to start bar tending, this meant a lot more money and I didn't have to worry about people trying to touch me anymore. SO naturally I jumped on that chance. As it turned out I was a much better bartender, than a server. Thank God, lol. I was able to work more days a week, and make more money each day. I was then able to rent a nice house, in a decent neighborhood, in a great school system for my little man. At this point, I thought things were going really well. As my son turned 4, I tried to enroll him in preschool. I quickly found out that I couldn't afford to put him in preschool, but these schools had suggested that I go to the county and register him for free preschool. I was a little disappointed, but all that mattered to me was that he was going to go to preschool. I never went and I wanted my son to had that advantage. I go into the building a see a massive line. I knew this was going to take forever, but it would be worth it once I had finished registering my son. I filed out the papers given and then got back in line. Finally, it was my turn and I was so relieved. The woman took my forms. SHe glance at them, and looked at me directly in my eyes. Of course after he looked at my son first. She then asks me if my son's father was black, mexican, or was his father deployed. My son's father was none of the three. At this point i figured I would have to pay some out of pocket, which was fine. I would find the money somewhere. I replied no, and she told me my son did not qualify for free preschool because he was a white child whose father was no deployed. My mouth dropped, and I started to tear up. How in the hell can they tell me that when I clearly met the wage requirements. I asked her this but in a nice manner. She told me very simply that black, Mexicans, and children of the deployed where the first ones to get picked for the state program and there was just to many of these children for my son to be considered. Where was the white privilege in this. I am honestly still pissed about this to this day. Do i feel that my child should have be picked over other minorities. No. I do feel however that my son should have been able to be selected, in a first come first served basics. That is fair. I feel that if I had waited forever to sign him up and all the spots were filled, fine then it would have been my fault. I was there on the first day sign up were available, since that is how I thought this worked. I had no idea that the fact my child being white would be a determining factor, no matter when I showed up. I went home and just cried. I was working my ass off, to put a roof over my sons head, food in his belly, and keeping him clean and presentable. I was not on food stamps, or any other type of assistance. I was only requesting help with preschool for my son. Whatever, This is my thoughts on this topic.

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